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The Theatre of Pies

28-03-2018



I was hooked like a drug-user the minute I got through my first ever turnstile.

That first smell of Bovril and smoke, the sound of Robbie Williams' Let Me Entertain You over the Tannoy blaring. The excitement of running up the stairs to watch your heroes warm up before the game. Tucking into a burning hot Killie Pie and spilling it all down the brand new jacket your mum told you to put on when you got there...and not wear it in the car so you would feel the benefit of it when you got outside.


Watching the way your idols controlled the ball and their running styles. I used to watch Kris Boyd run in his early days and tried to emulate it myself in the playground the next week at school. Fortunately he was in a pretty good nick at that time or I’d have been rolling down the wing instead, like he has in recent years.



Unfortunate Rangers and Celtic fans squabbling over pretending to be Henrik Larsson or Kenny Miller as we played five-a-side at lunch. I’d call out I was going to be Kris Boyd they looked at me like I was off my heed but I was never contested.

Hearing the Halls of Montezuma play as the teams came out the tunnel on the far side from my seat in the East Stand. Soaking up players names and songs I’d hear from the stands of Rugby Park. I would spend days collecting Panini stickers and setting them out in formation on my living room floor, discussing the upcoming games with anyone who would listen.
Having the experience of being able to go and learn whilst supporting your team was great. I totally loved seeing us play and especially win. For nearly twenty years I have followed Killie and I still get a buzz out of winning on a Saturday.

Losing on the other hand is something I don’t take kindly to. You would think I would be used to it by now, but no. Not just in football, I am pretty desperate to win at anything, so choosing Kilmarnock as my club would prove to be a mental but fantastic decision. I still take losses pretty badly now and it can ruin my full weekend. Thankfully Steve has us immortal in the last few months and I’m bloody loving it.


Luckily enough in my brief Killie life I have never seen us relegated, and we have won two cups. I have watched some excellent players such as Holt, Durrant, Cocard, Boyd, Naismith, Eremenko, Skora, Hay, Mulumbu and our lord and saviour Willie Gibson. [Sacrilege! The good lord Wullie is nameth Watters! Ed.] Willie Gibson still the only man I have ever seen wear a Regatta fleece as an Under Armour top.

I have had some incredible highs, such as Naismith’s hat trick at Fir Park and beating Celtic with that DVT header. To some terrible lows, like losing to Gretna 4-2 at Fir Park with Chad Harpur having an absolute nuke. Being destroyed by Rangers and Celtic. Losing to Ayr. The entire Locke era.


Would It have been easy to go watch Rangers and Celtic with the rest of my pals as a kid.  Yes, it would have been. Do I regret not going..? Absolutely F*cking Not!

Support your local team and ride the wave that is football. You will appreciate the highs you achieve after the agony of the lows you experienced. Be one of the few instead of being one of millions 💙



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